This article is meant to be funny, we think. It’s from The Snark, Georgia Daily Report’s anonymous associate:
[snip]
(Pronunciation: le-glsis-tnt) direct object of Partner and/or Cog abuse.
Synonyms: Secretary, Legal Secretary, Right Hand, Co-Conspirator.
Definition: A secretary who gets a fancier title because she (or he) has to enter computer edits for Big Firm attorneys who never learned to use a word-processing program and who have a dire need to revise two sentences of a letter as many as 50 times at 5 p.m. — usually ending up with the exact same letter they dictated the first time. She (or he) is usually plugged in to the rumors, factual tidbits and nervous habits of the attorneys and the firm and knows more than the litigators do about where and how to file a complaint.
Usage: "The Partner made his legal assistant print all of his e-mails because he refused to learn to use a computer."
PARALEGAL
(Pronunciation: It takes two green associates to equal the value of one experienced par-le-gl) noun.
Synonyms: De Facto First-Year Associate, Organizer of Chaos, Unlicensed Attorney, Glutton for Punishment.
Definition: The often unknown, uncredited member of the Big Firm team who handles the mundane matters clients aren’t willing to pay $200-plus an hour for a Cog to do — like putting the 15 boxes of due diligence documents in reverse chronological order and then re-sorting them into alphabetical order after the Partner changes her mind.
Usage: "The paralegal screamed internally when the Cog asked her to create a 52-column Excel spreadsheet to summarize the closing documents."